Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
did i just pee glitter
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
