yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Randomize
