Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
