apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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