Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
