rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
