Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
