i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
