Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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