I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
