The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
