i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
farters have to be the big spoon...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
