I hate your face
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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