Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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