WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
