No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
