Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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