My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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