Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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