Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
