Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
