sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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