i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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