I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
