Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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