I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
