So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
