Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
