She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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