I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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