so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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