She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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