There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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