after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
