so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
