Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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