Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish you could order shots online.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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