Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
