Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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