I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
