i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
