I think I am morally bankrupt
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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