You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
