porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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