I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
