I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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