He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
