Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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