Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
