I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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