it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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