Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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