I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
