my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Im part way to drunk.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
