I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
